Like Having Your Dad Pull Your Teeth

Actually, it's more painful than that. It's like a serious emotional blow. A task quite impossible to complete unless it is under the most dire of circumstances. The task of which I am speaking is, of course, cleaning out my room.

I am in the process of moving back in with my parents. However, despite technically not living with them (although I still spent at least 40% of my day at their house), I still had a closet and bedroom full of crap. Well, not crap. But clothes, shoes, letters, to-do-lists, calendars, etc. I'm not really a pack rat. I just never got around to cleaning out my room after I moved back home after college. So, all the junk I brought back with me (although I mean junk in the most endearing way possible) from school, got added to all of the stuff already there. At the time, I was too caught up in the excitement of graduating that I never really committed myself to cleaning up my life.

Now, as I'm returning to live with my parents, I see how absolutely necessary it is to rid myself of excess. I have the ambition to do it, but the fact that I'm hopelessly sentimental makes this a very difficult process. I mean, I have probably all of the cards I have ever received in my life because they mean too much to me to throw away.

As I began to clean I found that I couldn't throw away an old calendar because it was filled with significant dates that I might want to remember, plus the pictures could be useful for something some day. I couldn't bear to part with a shirt that has strong memories associated with it. Some things I hated to see go just because I've had them for so long, although I hadn't needed them for several years. Plus, with everything I put in the "donation" pile or the garbage I couldn't help but wonder, "But what if I need this again one day?"

I made tremendous gains in creating more room in my life this weekend, but I was only able to accomplish it by temporarily turning into a cold-hearted, emotionless shell of a person. I guess during times like these, the only thing to do is not dwell on all the memories that were thrown into a black garbage bag like pieces of moldy bread, but rather, to acknowledge that they had fulfilled their purposes in my life...and move on. In a few years, they will have been replaced by new artifacts from my life that will inevitably suffer the same fate.

And so the cycle begins again.

The First Day... (dun, dun, dun or some other ominous tune)

Today was my first day as a student teacher.

I'm so tired. So sore. So in over my head.

What was I thinking?

To Attain Chopstick Proficiency

I love New Year's. The day, not the eve. Sure, many of us spend most of New Year's Day recovering from the night before...exhausted...possibly hungover...perhaps still drunk.... Actually, New Year's Day can be a bit of a bummer if you think about it. You know, I like to think that the New Year actually begins on January 2, at least in spirit. I can hardly imagine beginning the many new year's resolutions that I set for myself right on January 1. I'm just not emotionally or physically prepared for self-better-ment after the traumas that tend to occur on New Year's Eve.

But none of this is really the point of this very scatterbrained post. The point is that I love the beginning of the new year. I have never really paid much attention to it before, but at the beginning of the year (meaning January 2, of course), everyone just seems so refreshed. They have a new resolve to accomplish the things that they believe will lead them to a happier life. Attitudes are positive; politeness reigns supreme. People really believe that they can do anything and behave in ways that will help them accomplish their goals. If only this feeling could last throughout the year. I imagine our lives would be a lot happier if we didn't give in to our old habits but, rather, persevered through the inevitable slumps along the way to personal fulfillment. (Hm, Andy, I think your idea about discipline beginning when inspiration ends is finally making sense to me. Thanks, dude.)

On that note, I have a few resolutions of my own. Some of them are a bit "whimsical" and may not happen this year, in which case I won't feel too disappointed. Others mean a lot to me, and I hope I can attain them, although I fully anticipate them to take a lot of commitment and many tears. Among my resolutions are taking an art class, exercising 4 times a week, becoming financially independent from my parents, and, of course, learning to eat with chopsticks. I have several others, but these are the ones that stick out in my mind right now AND that I'm willing to disclose to the "public." So, far they are coming along nicely, which is the best I can hope for with it only being the third day of the new year.