16 December 2007

Now What?

So, I think I need a hobby. After all that time I spent complaining about how busy I was and suffering nervous breakdowns because I didn't know how I would get everything done before the end of the semester, it turns out that I actually need school in my life. I have been done with finals since Thursday, and I feel like I don't know what to do with myself. I've hung out with friends. I've started reading a couple of books. I've gone Christmas shopping. But I just feel like that isn't enough, like I need to be doing something else...or something.

Perhaps I just got too out of the habit of having nothing to do. I mean, it's been a long time since the carefree summer days filled with nothingness that I grew used to in junior high. Back then, none of my friends had anything to do either. So, we did nothing together, which is much better than doing nothing by yourself. A few months from now, I'll be done with school, have a full time job like everyone else I know, and I'll probably never be bored again. But until then I need to find a way to pass the time...until next semester begins.

So, hobbies. I could get back into baking. Or start exercising again. Maybe I could play around with all the art supplies I had to buy this semester (I am, after all, convinced that there is an artist inside me that is dying to come out). I just need to find something to keep me entertained until my last semester begins because, really, I just don't know how to relax anymore.

11 December 2007

Signs of Aging

I think I'm getting old. I remember the good ol' days, not even two years ago when I could handle finals week like a champ. I studied hard, had no fun, and kicked finals butt. I remember one year in particular where I got about 6 hours of sleep from Sunday to Tuesday. (Cake for some people; really, really hard for me.)

And now, my body just can't do it anymore. I have had at least five hours of sleep a night, since the week began, and I am struggling big time. For instance, at this moment, my eyelids actually feel sore from being forced to stay open. And the really sad thing is that I actually had time to take a 3 hour nap today. I've become such a wimp. What happened to handling all nighters? What happened to OD-ing on caffeine and 9:00 PM coffee runs so that everything would get done?

All I know, besides the fact that this entry is completely incoherent, is that, at 23 years-old, I am showing signs of aging. And that can't be good.

(At least I only have 1 final project left before the end of a very demanding semester. Woohoo.)

08 December 2007

Snowed In

So, the weather man tells me that I can expect up to five more inches of snow in addition to the several inches that have already fallen. Any other winter except for this one, I would be very depressed to hear such a prediction. I've spent many years of my life absolutely loathing snow. Sure, it's pretty when it covers the mountains. It's always welcome on Christmas. And it's fun to ski in. Up to this point in my life, these have been the only exceptions.

This year I find myself actually craving snow. Much of this has to do with my fear that global warming will shrivel up our cool little planet into nothingness. But there is something else leading to this attitude shift, too.

Stepping outside tonight to watch the snow fall on to my parents lawn, I noticed how quiet everything was. It was almost as if time had stopped and nothing existed beyond that moment. Everything was so peaceful and still. Not too mention that when I looked up into the sky to watch the snow fall down around me, I felt like I was stepping outside of myself and away from the complexities of life around me.

I remember on one of my favorite TV shows, Everwood, the narrator talked about the magic of snow (although I'm sure he didn't use those words). He talked eloquently (much more than I could ever do) about how snow has the power to cover up even the biggest messes to make everything seem calm once again. What a way to look at snow.

I've said it before: It's been a hell of a year. And just when I thought it was going to end on an up note, everything crashed down around me once again. In order to maintain my own sanity, I will take any opportunity I can to revel in stillness and serenity. I may be spending a lot of time in the snow this winter because, for right now, I want to believe that snow has the power to heal the soul.